Organise a romantic dinner… at the clubhouse

Nothing screams romance for golf widows and widowers like our other half organising a Valentine’s meal at the clubhouse.

No, I don’t care what level the Sodexo catering is.


Get “stuck behind a slow ball” (so you can play an extra 9)

The oldest and most transparent trick in the book. You think you have us fooled. We know you’re just avoiding your in-laws/parental duties/taking the bins out/anything.

‘One for the road’ with your clubmates before hometime

Let’s just call it what it is: pre-drinking. And we’ve been together long enough that you shouldn’t have to do that before date-night.

Please note, if you come home sauced before the sauce-y, the only bed you’ll be sleeping in is the dog’s.

Rory drinking from Ryder Cup

Bring home a selection of ‘wild’ (course) flowers

If you come home with gorse and heather which you’ve hacked free of its moorings on Royal St. George’s, you can expect a reception as frosty as a round at Lofoten Golf Links (there’s a reference you’ll hopefully understand, darling).

Fairmont St Andrews Gorse

Break the washing machine (again)

The bane of every non-golfers life: tees between the sofa cushions, tees all over the car, tees in every coat pocket (even the ones that aren’t yours?!) and worst of the worst: tees which managed to wedge themselves in the washing machine, breaking it irreparably.

Shadow swing, everywhere and at all times, because we love that…

“I’m not doing anything” you say, as you line up for your next invisible swing at the baby/the dog/the basket overflowing with laundry which needs folding. “We said ‘no golf’ tonight” we’ll say in response. And you’ll smirk because you know you found a way around that little clause.

Take a call from the rest of ‘the Board’ just as we sit down for dinner

We don’t know how to tell you this: but that fake, made-up golf cup which you and your mates created to compete over, the one with the even more made-up ‘board of governors’ of which you are the self-elected chair? Well it’s made up. There we said it.

Group Golf

Ruin the dog’s Valentine’s Day too…

Your idea of ‘course trained’ and the dog’s are vastly different.

The dog’s version of course training is chasing the golf ball, dragging your bag (which we *told* you not to tie him to) into the rough after squirrels, and swallowing the course booklet which he’s spent the last eighteen holes slowly masticating (we told you not to let him carry that, too).

Queue-up the ‘Full Swing’ golf documentary

This show is like the Jeepers-Creepers of documentaries in that it’s absolutely deadly to all non-golfers. We know you’re excited, we just don’t need to hear about it.

Use course content as appetisers

‘Just one time’ was one time too many for that video of you making that birdie putt. Don’t. Show. Us.

Media Sharing on phone

If after reading these you feel like you need to treat your golfing partner or golf widow then why not check out the Top 10 Romantic Golf Break ideas.



Collects course booklets to burn them during cold winters. The kind of loon that will use a picture of their dog for their profile.

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